Domestic violence should not happen to anybody, ever and period.

There is a domestic violence wheel that I learned as a psychologist and marriage and family therapist, within the very first weeks of training. It included looking at the behaviors abusers use too get and keep control in their relationships.  Battering is a choice, but that is not always the case.  Whatever the abuse it, it is used to gain power and control over another person.  physical abuse is only one part of a system of abusive behaviors.

As the facts state, abuse is never ever a one time event.  Weather it be physical of emotional abuse, each is abuse.  Each is a way to control or gain power over the other in a relationship.

Mostly men in our society, but women too, use intimidation, or making someone afraid by using looks, actions, gestures, destroying her property or his, abusing pets, displaying of weapons.

The use of emotional abuse, of putting your partner down, making the partner feel bad about themselves, the calling of names, attempting to make the mate crazy, playing mind games, humiliation, and guilt.

Some couples (one) usually uses a form of isolation, controlling what she or he does, who he or she goes with, isolating their outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions.


Pink Roses are beautiful and lemons are sour……You make the choice

Some people use minimization, making light of the abuse and not taking his or her concerns seriously, or saying, ‘NO” that did not happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying, “she or he asked for it.”

When there are children,  Do people use their children, making one feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay messages, and even threats to take the children away?

Using Male privilege, or treating the female as a servant, making all the decisions, is also abusive.

The use of economic abuse, prevention from one keeping and holding a job, making her ask for money, putting her at risk, making her pay the bills, even if she has her own money, from welfare, and even to the extent of no access to the family income.

It gets worse, coercion and threats, threats to leave her, and any form of the use of coercion that comes to ones mind.

One has to have the desire to escape the horrors of domestic violence.

First, you need things to think about, and know that there are sources of help. One understands their own circumstances best.  you and your own thinking and intuition are your best guides, about what to do of all.

Remember your struggle to escape domestic violence is heroic. Yet there are extreme and painful conditions under which women all over the world set out to make their escapes from domestic violence.  Women especially need to be given the respect and admiration for the struggles they are in.  Your struggle is to escape the oppression of domestic violence and elevate your own dignity.

Lemons can be lemonaide or they can be sour and awful….You have the right to make lemons the way you want!!!!